


Spike's Twelve Slayer Gifts of Christmas

by maryperk



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: BTVS6, Christmas fic, Comedy/Fluff, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-16 00:24:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2249055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maryperk/pseuds/maryperk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Buffy's POV on some gifts she gets for Christmas.  Written for Noel of Spike LJ</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spike's Twelve Slayer Gifts of Christmas

Chapter 1

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me a Polgara head in a yellow bow. _I suppose I should be glad I'm not in high school. I bet my true love would have left the head in my locker or on the front step instead._

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow. _The knives were great. Perfectly balanced and razor sharp. I didn't need another Polgara head though._

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me: three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow. _The smoochies were bone melting, and my panties were wet when we were done. Not even Xander catching our liplock fazed me. The knives were awesome, but the Polgara head wasn't. Was there a discount on yellow ribbons at the dime store?_

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: four calling birds, three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow. _Now by birds, I mean chicks, girls, female of the species. All they did was giggle. So, I don't know what they wanted. Mmm, three more knee-weakening kisses, and two more wonderful knives. Although, *sigh* I could do without the demon head. Where the hell is he finding them?_

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: five golden rings, four calling birds, three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow. _When I say golden rings, I don't mean jewelry. My true love gave me five onion rings. The giggling girls called again. The kisses led to petting, and I may never need to buy weapons again. I had to make sure that damned vampire of mine wasn't regifting the Polgara heads. I didn't think they ran in herds or gaggles or whatever the hell demons run in._

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: six friends in denial, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow. _Okay, it was four friends, one Watcher, and a little sister. Dawn's not so much in denial about Spike and me, but the others... it's okay. *shrugs* It gives Spike and me more time together. Besides, they just don't understand how much I enjoy the onion rings, giggling girls on the phone, French kisses, knives, and poorly wrapped Polgara heads. I am the Slayer after all. If nothing else, I'm learning to cope with the unexpected._

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me: seven swans a honkin', six friends in denial, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow. _Blurgh, make that seven police reports filed. The neighbors -- the ones that never noticed Mr. Neon Hair hovering outside my house -- weren't too happy with the noise or the feathers. I guess I should be glad they ignored the kisses, the knives, and the Polgara head._

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: eight packets of Swiss Miss, seven swans a honkin', six friends in denial, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow. _I offered the police officers hot chocolate for their troubles as they once again rounded up the swans. Like the previous day, the kisses, the knives, and the Polgara were ignored. Sheesh, I have no idea how nobody saw the ugly mug on that head, but *shrugs* that's Sunnydale for you. On a good note, the cops took the giggling birds' numbers. On a bad note, they ate my onion rings. Hey, those were mine!_

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: nine ladies a strippin', eight packets of Swiss Miss, seven swans a honkin', six friends in denial, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow. _Where the hell does Spike find these things? There were four police officers this time. Two for the swans, and two for the strippers. The hot chocolate was awesome as were the kisses. Sure glad my friends are in denial. Although I gotta say, I'm seriously rethinking this true love thing. I think one of those strippers had extra boobs, and she snuck the Polgara head into her purse. Ewwww._

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: ten men a leapin', nine ladies a strippin', eight packets of Swiss Miss, seven swans a honkin', six friends in denial, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow. _Okay, this is getting to be a bit much. There were seven more swans, nine more strippers, seven cops, six friends in denial tonight. Hey, no menage a trois here. There's a teenager in this house! I sent my true love to the store for more Swiss Miss and onion rings. Then, I kicked the Polgara head into the bushes. How many of those damned demons can there be in Sunnydale? Is there a convention?_

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me: eleven trombones a' bonin', ten men a leapin', nine ladies a strippin', eight packets of Swiss Miss, seven swans a honkin', six friends in denial, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow. _Honestly, I suppose I should be glad Spike didn't find seventy six of the damned trombones to parade through my yard. So, here's the lowdown. There is currently on the lawn, the neighbors' lawns, the driveway, and the street, eleven trombonists, ten leaping guys, nine strippers, eight cops, seven honking swans, six freaked out friends, the four giggling birds visiting their cop boyfriends, three irate female neighbors, two irate male neighbors, and one bleached blond vampire true love enjoying the chaos. I think the Polgara head crawled away looking for a peaceful spot to die._

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: twelve drummers drummin', eleven trombones a' bonin', ten men a' leapin', nine ladies a' strippin', eight packets of Swiss Miss, seven swans a honkin', six friends in denial, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French kisses, two Turkish swords, and a Polgara head in a yellow bow. _*sigh* This is getting ridiculous. I will never, ever mention that song to Spike again. *gets on coat and sneaks out back door* I'm going to let Giles and the Scoobies deal with the noise, dancers, cops, and all the other crap. I tell you, my front lawn is a friggin' zoo. Oh, hold on, let me grab the hot chocolate, the onion rings, the knives, and my trusty Polgara head. Can't leave home without it. I'll go see Spike at the crypt. He's been a bad boy and needs to be punished._

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!


End file.
